Heroes: Abridged
by justanotherfrog
Summary: So, this is a little spoof thing I made of Heroes. Not much else to say, really, except R&R!Oh, and I rated it T for a bit of language and such in later episodes. Each new chapter will be a new episode!
1. Episode 1: Genesis

**A/N:**So, this is a little spoof or "abridged" version of Heroes I wrote when I was bored. I've been posting it on my blog, but I've decided to try fanfiction so that more people can see it.

I'm going to put up each episode as a chapter...

**Disclaimer:** Tim Kring owns Heroes, I just make fun of it :-)

Also, the title "Heroes: Abridged" is sort of taken from these videos on Youtube called "Yugioh: The Abridged Series" which are a million times funnier than this, whether you've seen Yugioh or not!

Anyway, here's episode 1:

**Episode 1: Genesis**

**Mohinder:** I get to talk about human nature, but I know you all are just wondering why Peter's jumping off a building...  
**Peter:** I can flyyyyyyyyyyy!  
**Mohinder:** Anyway, so, humans like to question things...

NYC

**Simone:** Yo, are you sleeping or taking care of my dad?  
**Peter: **Sorry, I was having this amazing dream where I was flying while some Indian guy rambled about human nature.  
**Simone:** Well, that's cool. Thanks for taking such good care of my dad. You've been like a son to him.  
**Peter:** Son? How about_ "son-in-law?"_  
**Simone:** Jeez, that was smooth. Sorry, but I'm dating this weird heroine addict right now.

Madras, India

**Mohinder:** Cockroaches are waaaaay cooler than humans. I'll bet that God is actually a cockroach!  
**Vishnu:** I know I say that I can be worshiped in any form, but a cockroach? C'mon!  
**Mohinder:** Um...anyway, back to genetics. Humans might evolve to get superpowers, just like in X-men! Isn't that awesome?  
**Class:** ...  
**Mohinder:** Nevermind. Class dismissed.  
**Other Professor: **Mohinder, we need to talk  
**Mohinder:** Yeah, I know I sound like my father, but his ideas were off the hook!  
**Other Professor:** Um...about your father...he's dead.  
**Mohinder:** OMG I better go to his apartment and figure out how he got killed  
**Other Professor:** In a car accident, of course.  
**Mohinder:** No way, he was killed for his crazy ideas! I'll bet the guys from Marvel Comics did it!  
**HRG:**_on his phone_ Look, can I call you back? I'm busy being the suspicious guy looking through the Indian guy's apartment...  
**Mohinder:** ACK! RUN AWAY!

Las Vegas

**Nikki:** Hey, male viewers! Are you enjoying this?  
**Nikki:** Hm...Why is this mirror staring at me? Oh well, I gotta go take care of my genius kid.  
**Micah:** Hey, mom. I got completely ready for school, and started building a computer motherboard while you were "working" in the garage.  
**Nikki:** I'm only doing that for your own good! Now, we have to sneak out the back door so those thugs don't kill both of us.

Odessa, Texas

**Claire:** For some reason, I'm recording my attempts to kill myself.  
**Zach:** Don't worry; I'm sure it's a smart idea to tape it so ANYONE can find it!

NYC, again

**Peter:** Jeez, another weird dream. At least this one didn't have some Indian guy doing a voice over  
**Nathan: **Heeey, Little brother. What's up?  
**Peter: **Well-  
**Nathan:** Sorry, too busy being a jerk/politician to care.  
**Peter:** I keep having weird prophetic dreams. I think I can fly.  
**Nathan:** Right. Go fly away and quit bothering me then. You're screwing up my image.  
**Peter: **Brothers are supposed to understand these things!  
**Nathan:** Great, I've got an insane brother and a criminal mother. Can this day get any worse?

Odessa, Texas

**Claire:** I'm a freak! This is terrible!  
**Zach: **No, it's awesome! Besides, if it's so bad, why'd you have me tape it?  
**Claire:** Mostly to use as a plot point.  
**Zach:** Well, I think it's cool.  
**Claire:** I'm sorry, on top of all my other lame, cheerleader related problems, now I have to worry about being a freak. That's not my idea of cool.  
**Zach: **Well, do you want me to give you a ride home?  
**Claire:** No, but as your reward for taping my attempts to kill myself, you have the honor of me talking to you in school.  
**Zach:** You'll talk to me?!? With this sort of leverage, I could force you to lick my shoes in public!  
**Claire:** Why would you want to do that?  
**Zach:** I don't know...I'm just saying. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

Tokyo, Japan

**Hiro: **I'm pretty much the coolest character on this show! Who doesn't love chubby little nerds?!?  
**Ando:** Remind me again why I'm friends with you?  
**Hiro:** Because, you and I make the most awesome comic relief ever? But guess what?!? I decided to randomly test if I could stop time, and it worked! Isn't that awesome?  
**Ando:** No.  
**Hiro:** You're just jealous that I can be like Spock, and you can't.  
**Boss:** OK, NERD, BACK TO YOUR CUBICLE.  
**Ando: **Nice, now I can continue to watch this hot American stripper...

Las Vegas

**Principal: **Your son is a genius, but this school is for people with money. Sorry.  
**Nikki:** WTH??? I gave you money!  
**Principal:** Well, but we want _lots_ of money.  
**Nikki:** You make me ANGRY. You don't want to see me when-  
**Principal:** Lady! This TV show takes enough from comic book superheroes already!  
**Nikki:** C'mon, Micah! Let's leave this lousy place!  
**Jessica: **Hello!  
**Nikki: **LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID REFLECTION!!!

NYC

**Nathan:** MOM! How the heck am I gonna win this election if you're stealing socks?  
**Peter:** Quit whining, jerk, leave Mother alone.  
**Nathan:** _continues ranting_  
**Peter:** Why don't you go ahead and keep being an annoyingly selfish politician. This situation is for me, the sensitive one.  
**Nathan:** Fine. I've got more masculine things to worry about.  
**Peter:** So, were they nice socks?  
**Mother:** You need to stop being so sensitive. It's why your brother takes advantage of you.  
**Peter:** What are you talking about? Me and Nathan are closer than Turk and JD!  
**Mother:** Any idiot can tell that he thinks you're a loser.  
**Peter:** Then how do you explain that on the night of his major car accident, I woke up and somehow knew about it?  
**Mother:** Sure, and I'll bet that you also fly and have weird dreams with voice-over narration...

Las Vegas

**Micah:** Mom, I don't want to stay at your boring friend's house!  
**Nikki:** Sweety, I need you to be safe while I try and figure out how to pay back a mob boss...  
**Nikki's Friend:** What did you do now?  
**Nikki: **Listen, I'm stressed, in debt, dealing with a genius kid, and I think my reflection is stalking me. Give me a frickin break!

Odessa, Texas

**Zach:** Sweet! A big train accident!  
**Claire: **A chance for me to use my powers for good! Are you recording this?  
**Man in fire:** A cheerleader? How are you going to carry me out of this burning wreckage?  
**Claire:** I dunno, but I'm doing it anyway.  
**Firefighter:** OMG...you were on fire and don't have a single burn!  
**Claire:** Go save the other guy while I run away!

NYC

**Landlord:** Ok, here's your father's apartment.  
**Mohinder:** Oh no! The suspicious guy must have got in here too!  
**Landlord:** How do you plan on paying rent?  
**Mohinder: **I got a job as a stereotypical Indian cab-driver.  
**Landlord:** You learned your way around NYC and got an American driver's license that fast?  
**Mohinder**: Um...yes. Yes I did.  
**Landlord: **Ok, that's totally believable. I'll go get your application.  
**Mohinder:** EWW! Cockroach! Kill it!  
**Cockroach:** Hey, I thought I was your God! AAAH!

Elsewhere in NYC

**Isaac:** I'm a crazy, troubled artist and heroine addict!  
**Simone:** Why am I dating you, exactly?  
**Isaac:** I these paintings are evil! They show the future!!!  
**Simone:** What???  
**Isaac:** Look, see! I can paint the future when I'm high! I'm a freak!  
**Simone:** I'll put you back in rehab. Let me help you!  
**Isaac:** NO! Leave me alone so I can brood.

**Nathan:** Guess what, Peter? I've spent a million dollars, but nobody will ever know that our mom stole some socks!  
**Peter: **Nathan, this little act of hers was a desperate plea for attention. Maybe we should-  
**Nathan:** Oh, guess what else? I got you a job. See, you're as cute and cuddly as an un-potty trained labradoodle, and about as good at politics as one. I'm a wonderful politician, but I have no people skills. So, I need your help!  
**Peter:** But why me?  
**Nathan:** Peter, what have we always said is the most important thing?  
**Peter:** Breakfast?  
**Nathan: **_Family_, George Michael. So, if I let the world know that I put family, including my annoying overly-sensitive, yet wonderfully adorable brother first, I'll definitely win!  
**Peter:** Did you listen to me when I told you I could fly? No.  
**Nathan:** Dude, you're no longer playing what's his face on Gilmore Girls. Grow up!  
**Peter:** Well, I have a job already.  
**Nathan:** Yeah, you're a male nurse. Next thing you know, you'll be marrying someone who's dad was in the CIA...  
**Peter: **Leave me alone. I have to go brood.

**Mohinder: **Like my new taxi? I learned to drive it around NYC pretty quick.  
**Peter:** It's nice. Oooh, pretty eclipse!  
**Mohinder: **Yes, it shows us how small we all are.  
**Peter:** You sound familiar...I feel like I've heard your voice in a similar philosophical talk somewhere  
**Mohinder: **Yeah, I'm into philosophical discussions and lectures about genetics.  
**Peter: **Hey, so am I! So, do you think that anyone is special?  
**Mohinder:** Everyone is. Didn't you watch Barney when you were little?  
**Peter:** That purple dinosaur gave me nightmares...but that's not what I mean.  
**Mohinder:** Well, some people have cooler genetic codes, and they're more special. It's all evolution. Giraffes got longer necks, and humans get weird powers. It makes sense.  
**Peter:** Cool. I wonder what all those special people are doing now.  
**Mohinder:** Probably watching the eclipse, which as we all know, happens at the same time all over the planet.

Las Vegas

**Nikki:** I better photograph this eclipse for Micah while the thugs are in my house...  
**Thugs:** We'll lower your debt if you let us exploit you.  
**Nikki:** You're making me angry...  
**Thugs: **So what? Are you gonna go all Hulk on us?

Tokyo

**Hiro:** Still bragging about my superpowers, here! Don't you realize how awesome this is?  
**Ando:** Who cares? Superpowers are useless. Clark Kent's got 'em, but is Lana pregnant with _his_ child?  
**Hiro:** Don't you ever read any comics? I have to save the world and find my destiny.  
**Ando:** Whatever, I need a drink. Let's go to that place that still plays Backstreet Boys music.  
**Hiro:** So, time isn't a line, that's why you can bend it. I learned it from X-men  
**Writers:** See? Now the show is an homage, not a rip-off!  
**Ando: **I really don't know how much you can trust comic books on physics...  
**Hiro:** I'm so excited! I have superpowers. I'm the most awesome nerd, ever.  
**Fans:** You can say that again!  
**Ando: **Why don't you teleport to the girls' bathroom then? It'll make for some good comic relief.  
**Hiro:** Ok!

Las Vegas

**Nikki:** Ugh...am I having a hangover? I don't remember drinking-- ACK! Blood! I'll bet my weird reflection killed those guys!

NYC

**Peter:** You know it might not be a good idea for us to be on screen at the same time; you'd better drop me off here before the fangirls die of hotness overload.  
**Mohinder:** I hope the next guy I have to drive is as nice as him!  
**HRG:** Going through people's apartments is exhausting. I can't wait to get home to my family.  
**Mohinder:** Hm...This guy looks suspicious.  
**HRG:** So, I see that you have the same last name as a famous genetics professor? But I guess that you're not necessarily related.  
**Mohinder:** Oh! I just remembered; My shift is over! BYE!  
**HRG:** How am I supposed to get to the airport now?!?

Texas

**Claire's Mom:** Blahblahblahblah, Mr. Muggles, blahblahblah  
**Lyle:** What kind of name is Mr.Muggles? Someone's reading too much Harry Potter.  
**Claire: **Sorry I'm late for dinner; I was busy trying to hurt myself.  
**Claire's Mom:** That's nice, honey. So, did anyone do anything special?  
**Claire:** I walked through fire and didn't get burned.  
**Claire's Mom:** Wow, are you being philosophical? That's awesome. Kinda like this Indian guy I once met...  
**Claire:** It's comforting to know that we're not actually related sometimes.

Tokyo

**Hiro:** Ok, time for the promised comic relief!  
**Girls:** Who left this nerd in the bathroom?!?  
**Hiro: **Woohoo! I got kicked out of a bar, but I teleported!  
**Ando: **Oh, for God's sake! You can't bend time and space. Nobody can! Why on earth do you want to be different??  
**Hiro: **Because it's AWESOME BEING DIFFERENT!!!!!  
**Ando:** No it's not! If you're different, you've got to brood and whine about it like everyone else on this show!  
**Hiro: **Fine. You can be boring. Like yogurt. I'll be special.  
**Ando:** Nobody's special! Especially not us! We're Japanese!  
**Hiro:** According to IMDb, you're Korean.  
**Ando:** That's beside the point. But fine, you can be "super-hiro"

NYC

**Peter:** Simone, what are you frantically searching for?  
**Simone:** Morphine. I need you to come help my crazy boyfriend.  
**Peter:** Well, I was talking to this philosophical cab driver, and I'm starting to think that I have a greater purpose than taking care of dying people.  
**Simone:** My boyfriend is more important right now. Come on!

Odessa, Texas

**Claire:** In case the last Hiro/Ando scene wasn't funny enough, you can watch me stick my hand in this garbage disposal.  
**Claire's Mom:** Honey, I want to connect with you...  
**Claire:** So...I was actually wondering if I can meet my real parents.  
**Claire's Mom:** Why?  
**Claire:** Well, mostly I'm curious if my dad looks anything like Hugh Jackman...  
**HRG:** Honey, I'm home! So, fans, how many of you ever suspected me to be cheerleader's father?  
**Claire:** Hey, adoptive father! How was your business trip to NYC?  
**HRG:** Quite uneventful, except that my cab driver left me in the middle of a crowded street.

NYC

**Simone:** Isaac! I brought my nurse to help you!  
**Peter:** There's no way he can paint the future. That's waaaay more impossible than a human flying.  
**Isaac: **Sorry, already ODed here...  
**Simone: **OMG!!!!!  
**Peter:** Hey, the flying guy in this painting is quite handsome. Who's he supposed to be?

Tokyo

**Hiro:** I don't care what Ando says. I'm still awesome. If only I could go to New York...  
**Clock:** Whoa...suddenly everything is moving so fast!  
**Hiro:** What? I'm in Times Square??? YATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NYC

**Mohinder:** Narrating again, this time about quests...  
**Nathan:** Peter, why'd you need me to come to this mysterious back alley? And where's that voice about quests coming from?  
**Peter:** I'm gonna jump!  
**Nathan:** Whoa! If you die, do you have any clue what my chances of winning will be?!?  
**Peter:** Look, I can fl-- AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
**Nathan:** I can fly too, but only when I need to save my image. Er...I mean brother.  
**Peter: **Oh, Nathan! I've never felt closer-  
**Nathan:** Whoops...butterfingers!  
**Peter:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

_To be continued..._

**A/N: **Well, that's episode 1. I'm going to attempt to add a new one every week, but I'm not making any promises. Chances are big that the hiatuses here will be longer than the actual shows :-P

Sorry, but I'm a busy person! Reviews are definitely good encouragement for me to hurry up though ;-)_  
_


	2. Episode 2: Don't Look Back

**A/N: **Hey, everybody. Thanks for all your nice reviews--they made me decide to post episode 2 earlier than I planned. Don't expect me to do this too often, though...

**Episode 2: Don't Look Back****  
**

**Narrator: **Previously, on Heroes...

**Claire: **I'm invincible! I'm such a freak!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hiro: **I can bend time! YATAAAAAAAAA!!!

**Peter: **I can fly!!!! I'm _so_ quitting my day job!

**Mohinder: **I have to find out who killed my father!

**HRG: **I want to find out about him too!

**Claire: **Hey, Dad!

**HRG: **Nobody suspected that!

**Narrator: **And now...  
**  
Mohinder: **Hey! I thought I was the narrator here!

**Narrator: **Nah, you give the philosophical thoughts at the start of each show, I do summaries!

**Mohinder: **Ok, so more of my discussion while we recap the last minute of Episode 1!

a hospital room, NYC

**Peter: **Ugh...why am I in a hospital?

**Nathan: **You jumped off the roof a building! You're suicidal!!!

**Peter: **Odd, I remember jumping because I wanted to show you that I could fly, but instead you flew! Whoa!!! You're the world's first flying politician!!

**Nathan: **NO!!! You're a crazy manic depressed nutball! Just deal with it!

Odessa, Texas

**Claire: **Dad, I really want to know about my birth parents.

**HRG: **Now why would you want to know about that? You're a blonde cheerleader, keep things fun and happy and don't worry about learning your weird background...

**Claire: **Cheerleading is hard! But that's besides the point...

**HRG: **Don't worry about growing up. Here's my advice: Being an adult sucks. Big time. Worry about it when it actually happens! _Trust me!_

NYC

**Mohinder: **ACK! There's a weird guy randomly in my apartment!

**"Exterminator": **I'm just spraying for bugs!

**Mohinder: **Then why are you messing with my phone?!?

**Exterminator: **Um...I'm spraying for phone bugs, of course. And I'm sure you don't want cockroaches all over your phone!

**Mohinder: **Yes I do! Cockroaches are obviously symbolic on this show somehow! Now prepare to eat decorative elephant statue!

**Exterminator: **Not so fast! _(pulls gun)_

**Mohinder: **You killed my father!

**Exterminator: **No! I AM your- Just kidding! Gotta run!

**Eden: **Oh no! I'd better save the hot Indian guy from the weird exterminator.

**Exterminator: **I'm completely innocent! I swear! I'm just a humble exterminator!

**Eden: **So why do you have a gun?

**Exterminator: **Er...for shooting bugs. Duh!

**Eden: ...**

**Exterminator: **Gotta run again! Bye!

**Mohinder: **Thanks for saving me! I'm Mohinder Suresh!

**Eden: **Whoa! I knew your father!!!

Times Square, NY

**Hiro: **WHOA!!!!! I just teleported into the middle of croweded Times Square, and nobody noticed!!!!!!!! Time to explore NY and act like a typical crazy Asian tourist!!!

**Hiro: **Hey! The guy on the cover of this comic looks exactly like me!

**Comic store owner: **What? You think that you get a discount if you're in the comic?

**Hiro: **Whoops, I forgot to exchange my Yen before teleporting! BYE!!!!

**Hiro: **This is really weird! I should go talk to the author. And look! His address is conveniently printed on the comic!

**Audience: **If he can't speak or read english, how does he know that?!?

Elsewhere in NYC

**Isaac: **Simone! I almost died, but I managed to paint more of the future! NYC is going KABOOM!

**Simone: **Isaac, nobody can paint the future! Now quit the frickin drugs already!

**Isaac: **You're my girlfriend! You're supposed to believe my crazy talk!

**Simone: **OK, you're going to have to choose: Do you want to believe in this, or keep me around?

**Isaac: **Don't say that! It might be some pretty bad foreshadowing for later...

Odessa, Texas

**Brody: **Hey, Claire. I'm the hot jock that every cheerleader should pine after!

**Claire: **_(is smitten)_

**Jackie:** Hello! I'm the resident bitchy cheerleader! Now outta the way! Brody's mine!!!

**Zach: **Claire we gotta talk...

**Claire: **Not now! I'm busy pining after the football player!

**Principal: **Excuse me, girls, but the fire chief wants to talk to you.

**Jackie: **I didn't start the fire! I swear!!!

Las Vegas, Nevada

**Nikki: **OMG! My garage studio has brutally murdered dead guys in it!

**Micah (on phone): **Mom! Hurry up and pick me up!!!

**Nikki: **I'm only 5 minutes away, I swear!

**Nikki: **Huh? What just happened? Why did my clothes randomly change?

**Micah (on phone): **Mom!! You said you'd be here in five minutes five hours ago!!!

**Nikki: **Ok, this is really starting to freak me out!

**Nikki's friend: **Nikki! What's the deal with making me take care of your stupid kid for 5 hours???

**Nikki: **I'm sorry, but there are a bunch of dead guys on the floor of my garage, and I'm getting these weird memory holes! Quit bugging me!

**Nikki's Friend: **Don't worry! I bet it was just your criminal husband!

**Nikki: **No, it wasn't! Now don't tell the cops anything, I'm going to have to run!!!

NYC

**Eden: **I can't believe anyone would tap Pappa Suresh's phone!

**Mohinder: **Pappa?!? Why do you get to call him Pappa? He never let me call him that!

**Eden: **Well, see, I butchered his name a few times...

**Mohinder: **How do you butcher the name Chandra??? It's Chun-dra. Not very hard!

**Eden; **Yeah, well where is he? I haven't seen him for a while.

**Mohinder: **That would probably have to do with him being dead...

**Eden: **WHAT???

**Mohinder: **Sorry, that was just a tad insensitive... I didn't know you were close

**Eden: **Are you kidding? Me and Pappa Suresh used to chill all the time! We'd hang and talk genetics...

**Mohinder: **Sounds like he liked you a lot better than he liked me!

**Eden: **I never got to show him Darwin's Origin of Species!

**Mohinder: **My dad was a world renowned genetecist! Did you really think he'd never read it before??? Jeez.

**Eden: **Well, your dad did tell me he was being followed. Do you think they'll follow you?

**Mohinder: **Almost definitely. But right now you just need to tell me about everything he told you.

Odessa, Texas

**Fire Chief: **I just want to know who saved that guy's life. Unfortunately, all we know is that the girl was a blonde cheerleader, and the entire group of you fits that description!

**Claire: **Me? No, it wasn't me! I don't want to be a hero!

**Jackie: **It was me! I'm the brave heroic one!

**Zach: **Claire, I've still got to tell you something!

**Claire: **Stupid Jackie is getting honored for her heroic deeds! That's so not fair!

**Zach: **Don't worry, I'm sure she'll pay for it later. Anyway, I kinda lost the tape of you repeatedly trying to kill yourself...

**Claire:**WHAT?!?

**Brody: (**_tackle!!)_

**Claire: **How does nobody notice that my neck just broke? I mean, I'm ok! I'm perfectly fine!

**Brody: **I tackled you and you're fine? Man, that's _so hot!_

_Las Vegas_

_**  
**_**Micah: **Mom, I like school! I don't wanna go on vacation!

**Nikki: **What's wrong with you??? Any normal 10 year old would_ kill_ to get out of school!

**Micah: **So why is our house all trashed???

**Nikki: **_Just trust me!_ We have to leave! Now let me er...clean up the garage...

**Nikki: **Oh my god! The garage cleaned itself! And I suddenly have a new car! I'll bet my reflection did it!

NYC

**Peter: **I suddenly have this weird urge to draw flying stick figures...

**Mrs. Petrelli: **Why'd you jump off that roof? I need to know!

**Peter: **You just have to _trust me_!

**Mrs. P: **Oh for God sake, how many people are gonna say that in this episode??? They may as well have called it "Trust Me" instead of "Don't Look Back!"

**Peter: **But who'd watch a show with a lame episode title like that???

**Mrs. P: **Anyway, I have something important I should tell you. You're dad was depressed and suicidal, and you probably are too.

**Peter: **What?!? Why are you telling me this??

**Mrs. P: **Well, it starts out by thinking you're great or indestructible...

**Peter: **But I won't be indestructable for like, 5 more episodes!

**Mrs. P: **Peter, you're my second least favorite child!

**Peter: **I can live with that!

Elsewhere in NYC

**Hiro: **I found Meesta Isahk's apartment! Hello? Are you there??

**Hiro: **Hm...the door is left open, there's an odd silence, and creepy background music, AND blood on the floor. I guess I should stay here and pick up this dropped gun instead of run for my life!

**Isaac: **...(_**dead)**_

**Cops: **Put your hands up!!!

**Hiro: **_(faints)_

Los Angeles, California

**Matt: **Despite what numerous other TV shows say, being part of LAPD _sucks!_ I wish I could be a detective...

**Mysterious girl's voice: **Help! But if you're hearing this, you should probably stay away, it'll be more trouble than it's worth...

**Matt: **I'd better follow that weird voice in my head!

**Audrey: **I'll bet it was SYLAR! He's the only guy who kills by sawing heads off and taking brains! That SYLAR is a menace!

**Audrey's Partner: **Yeah, just keep shouting his name out loud...but let's find the girl, then worry about what actually happened!

**Audrey: **We've searched everywhere already!

**Matt: **Evidently, you forgot to look in this hidden closet thing.

**Girl thinking: **Don't hurt me!

**Matt: **I'm not going to hurt you! But isn't it weird that I'm totally failing to notice that you're not moving your mouth?

NYC, yet again

**Mohinder: **So, basically, my dad thought he could find a way to locate all the people with super cool genes. I didn't believe him though. I thought his ideas sucked!

**Heroes Fans: **WTH? Last episode you said they were off the hook!

**Eden: **Will it make you feel better to know he named his pet lizard after you? Hey, where is he??

**Mohinder: **While we look, I'll listen to this mysterious voice message of my dad and Sylar...

**Voice Message Sylar: **Yo, I'd like to order some of those delicious samosas, cuz I'm hungry!

**Voice Message Chandra: **For the hundreth time, I'm not a frickin chef! I'm a geneticist! Now stop calling me!

**Voice Message Sylar: **Careful, you've already made me hungry for super-powered blood! MWAHAHAHA!

**Eden: **I found Mohinder the lizard! And look, he conviently lead me to this flash drive hidden in his cage!

**Mohinder: **Whoa!! This is it! This is everything he tried to proove! This is his _totally off the hook theory!!!_

**Heroes Writers: **C'mon, do you really think we're gonna make it that easy?

Los Angeles

**Audrey's partner: **Are you trying to tell me you heard the little girl, even though no one else could?

**Matt: **Yes! I'm innocent! Now let me go! I have to meet my wife before she decides to cheat on me or something...

**Audrey's partner: **Fine, you can go!

**Audrey: **No way, I'm still really suspicious of him!

**Matt: **What?? Sylar killed them, not me!

**Audrey: **How'd you know that name?!?

**Matt: **You said it out loud in the house before, duh.

**Audrey: **That's it! You're under arrest, tubby!

In the middle of some desert, Nevada

**Nikki: **Ok, time to start burying these bodies...hey, it seems like this place is a popular burial spot!

Odessa, Texas

**HRG: **Hi, honey! How was school?

**Claire: **Quite uneventful. I mean, it's not like I lost any dangerous tapes of myself or anything...

**HRG: **That's good. Anyway, I managed to contact the adoption center. You can meet your real parents as soon as I find people willing to act like them!

**Claire: **Aww, thanks Dad! Don't worry, you can protect me like a little girl for a long time!

**HRG: **I plan to! But never forget, I love you!

**Claire: **I love you too, Dad!

**Heroes Fans: **But not for much longer!

**HRG: **Ok, go get ready for dinner while I finish watching this tape of you trying to kill yourself...

NYC, for the zillionth time

**Nathan: **Peter, why are you on a roof, again?!? Haven't I told you about how many votes I'll loose if you die?!?

**Peter: **I'm not crazy and suicidal! Now tell me that you flew, or I'll jump!

**Nathan: **Ok! I confess! Both of us flew! Are you happy now?

**Peter: **NO! Now I know you're only saying I flew to make me happy!

**Nathan: **What the heck is wrong with you?!?

**Peter: **You're an evil liar!

**Nathan: **Duh, I'm a politician!

**Peter: **Quit lying to me!

**Nathan: **Look down, and you'll see that I'm not!

**Peter: **I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! AND I drew this happening at the hospital!!!

Elsewhere in NYC

**Cops: **You're telling me you can bend time and space?

**Hiro: **Yes, like in Star Trek!

**Cops: **You're not in Star Trek!

**Hiro: **No, you're thinking of my dad...Listen, call my buddy, and he'll tell you what happened!

**Ando: **Hiro? He's been gone for weeks!

**Hiro: **Weeks? Why did my watch not change?!?

**NYC: **KABOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

**Hiro: **AAAHHH!! Get me the **(censored)** out of here!!!

Tokyo, Japan

**Hiro: **It worked! But where's that narration coming from?

**Mohinder: **Yo, author, I think you're starting to kill that joke...

**Me: **It's my spin-off, I can kill as many jokes as I please! MWAHAHAHAHA!

**Mohinder: **Anyway, man has a destiny. He can't choose it. Too bad for him!

_To be continued..._


	3. Episode 3: One Giant Leap

**Episode 3: One Giant Leap**

**Mohinder: **I'm not sure what happened to the other guy, but I get to recap last week's episode, AND do my usual thoughts on evolution!

**Mohinder: **Evolution is cool, but it can really be a bitch sometimes. However, it only does it for its goal: Survival!

**Me: **Do these writers know biology at all? The goal is not just survival; you have to survive long enough to have offspring!

**Mohinder: **C'mon! Who'd want to see a TV show where every super-powered person wants to go have kids? That's just plain stupid!

**Me: **Hm...So if you think about Darwin's "Survival of the Fittest" in that way, Nathan is one hell of a survivor!!!

Outskirts of Las Vegas

**Nikki: **I have to bury these dead bodies, but it looks like someone else is buried here! Hey, this skull-shaped ring looks familiar...

Odessa, Texas

**Claire: **If we win this football game, all of us high schoolers are gonna go hang out somewhere with no adult supervision until midnight!

**HRG: **Ok, you can go, just don't do anything with the quarterback!

**Claire: **Don't worry, pretty blonde cheerleaders don't get with quarterbacks unless they're also world-class bitches!

**HRG: **Maybe you should date nerds, you know, like that Japanese time bending guy!

**"Plaire" Fans: **No!!! You should date totally hot hospice nurses!!!

**Jackie: **Hey, Mr.Bennet, you've got such nice distinctive eyewear, people may as well start calling you "Horn Rimmed Glasses"

**HRG: **So, I heard that you're the new town hero!

**Jackie: **O.M.G.! Did you hear about that?

**Claire: **Did you just say "omg" out loud? Your ditz-meter just went up about 10 points...

Tokyo, Japan

**Ando: **Sweet, now I can carry the hot American stripper on my awesome Ipod with Video!

**Me: **Can you say "product placement?"

**Ando: **If you think that's bad, wait until we get our Nissan!

**Hiro: **Ando! I traveled forward in time and saw New York explode!

**Ando: **Someone's been drinking too much sake...

**Hiro: **I have proof! It's a comic about us from the future! See? It has everything you just told me? How would I have known that?

**Ando: **The bigger question is, how the heck did you read that? You can't read English!

**Hiro: **That doesn't matter! Now come on, we have to save a little girl!

Manhattan, NYC

**Peter: **I've decided not to jump off buildings anymore. Falling off playground equipment is easier!

**Kid: **Didn't your mommy ever tell you it's unsafe to stand on monkey-bars?

**Peter: **This is odd. I'd better go talk to Nathan.

**Nathan: **Peter, I've got a campaign to run here, do you really think I care about your flying problem?

**Peter:** Of course you do! But guess what, I found out that this Indian guy wrote a book about human flight, AND he just so happens to have moved to NYC to do more research!

**Nathan: **Why couldn't he do it in India?

**Peter: **I dunno, I guess there are just more people with super powers here than in Asia...

**Nathan: **Well, what's more important right now is that we find a way to explain to the press why you tried to jump off a roof...

**Peter: **Who cares about that? Don't you want to know why we can fly?

**Nathan: **Not really, I'd rather win this election.

**Peter: **Fine, so what do you plan on telling the reporter?

**Nathan: **I'm a politician, so something that's NOT the truth!

Brooklyn, NYC (yeah, we're starting to be specific about that)

**Mohinder: **Why does this stupid code make no sense?!?! AAAAAAAAHH!!!

**Eden: **Will some mac and cheese make you feel better?

**Mohinder: **Everything my dad did was stupid and pointless! Look, he made a stupid theory, a pointless algorithm, and now I'm wasting my time proving his stupid idea!

**Eden: **Will you make up your freaking mind already?!? One week his theory is awesome, the next week it sucks, but then it's awesome again! Now it sucks, yet again!

**Mohinder: **I've made up my mind! IT SUCKS SO MUCH, I'M GONNA THROW HIS FRICKIN' COMPUTER!

**Eden: **Look! Yet another serendipitous discovery! It's a journal somehow hidden in a computer!

**Mohinder: **Hmm...the evil guy's address and a key. I wonder what it means?

LA

**Matt: **I'm telling the truth! I heard the little girl, but in my head!

**Audrey: **Fine, so what am I thinking right now?

**Matt: **um...

**Audrey:** (_thinking_)Why the heck did I bring this loser in here? It's so obvious he couldn't have done it! I guess it was for the sake of driving the plot forward, but it's already going to slowly...

**Matt: **You think this show moves waaaaaay too slowly!

**Audrey: **Sweet! The FBI's been looking for a psychic cop!

Odessa, Texas

**Zach: **Claire, I couldn't help but notice that you're totally ignoring the whole, "I lost the tape of you trying to kill yourself" thing

**Claire: **Well, I think it's good. Now I can be normal!

**Zach: **Why on earth would you want to be normal!???

**Claire: **Have you never seen Smallville, or any other superhero movie or comic for that matter? If you have superpowers, you have to brood and wish you were normal. I'm only following rules!

NYC

**Simone: **I'm selling all your paintings, and I got rid of your drugs!

**Isaac: **What??? How am I supposed to save the world if I'm not high?!?

**Simone: **Isaac, you can't paint the future! Be normal!

**Isaac: **I don't want to loose you, Simone!

**Simone: **Right, keep that in mind for episode 16! Now I'm leaving!

Tokyo, Japan

**Hiro: **Ok, now help me find the girl!

**Girl: **Japan has one of the world's best education systems, but apparently they forget to tell us to look before crossing a street!

**Hiro: **I'll save you with my time stopping awesomeness! time freeze

**Girl: **I'm alive!

**Hiro: **YATAAAAA!!!!!!

**Ando: **You did it! Let's hug and dance around in the middle of the street to celebrate!

Some desert in Nevada

**Nikki: **I finished burying those guys, just in time for sunrise!

**Micah: **Good morning!

**Nikki: **Hey, honey! How'd you sleep?

**Micah: **I was sleeping in the back of a car with no roof in the middle of the desert. How do you think I slept?

**Nikki: **Well, I'm sure it was better than my night! That's for sure!

**Micah: **So where are we going now?

**Nikki: **We're gonna go tell your grandma what a horrible mother she was!

**Micah's Grandma: **Micah!!!!!!! Give me a big hug!!!!!!!

**Micah: **Yay!!!

**Grandma: **Nikki, you're a terrible mother. Let me raise your son!

**Nikki: **Why, so he can end up like his wonderful father?

**Grandma: **My son is not a criminal!

**Nikki: **Yes he is! I found this ring of his in a grave! He murdered his gang!

**Grandma: **No he didn't! And even if he did, Micah is better off with me than a frickin grave-robber like you!  
**  
Nikki: **I want you out of my son's life!

**Grandma: **Well, you're the one who brought him here!

**Nikki: **Don't make me angry! You wouldn't want to meet my other personality!!

LA

**Matt: **Why am I still here? My poor, lonely wife is waiting for me!

**Audrey: **We'll let you leave as soon as you read the little girl's mind.

**Matt: **Ok, fine, but first, the audience and I could really use some back-story on this Sylar guy...

**Audrey: **Well, basically, he's a serial killer who somehow kills without touching. He also cuts the victims heads open and does something with their brain that we never really figure out.

**Matt: **Wow, you must be crazy to go after a guy like him!

Outside Sylar's Apartment, NYC

**Mohinder: **Knockknock! Are you there, Sylar?!?

**Eden: **Are you sure it's a smart idea to go meet the guy who _killed your father!_

**Mohinder: **Of course it is! I just want to ask him why!

**Eden: **Yeah, I'm sure the crazy psycho murderer is going to invite you in for tea and samosas and chat about his motives, right?

**Mohinder:** That's how they treat guests in India!

**Eden:** This is America, genius! Guests are treated like crap, not God!

**Mohinder: **But all the answers might be behind this door!

**Writers: **Why would we answer stuff in the third episode?

**Me:** Yeah, good thing he's a geneticist and not a screen writer!

**Mohinder:** Good thing I carry around a screw driver with me so I can conveniently break in to bad guys' apartments...

**Eden: **Mohinder, everything in here seems totally normal. What are you taking all those pictures for?

**Mohinder: **I happen to think he's got good decorating sense, ok??

**Eden: **Look, his photo album is filled with pics of dead people! What's up with that?

**Mohinder: **Never mind that, I've serendipitously found yet another mystery!

**Eden: **Hey, that map looks familiar! And it has other characters on this show posted on it, like the annoying congressman!

**Mohinder: **Look! Yet another mystery! A wall full of odd Christian overtones! What on earth was my father involved in???

**Eden: **I wouldn't ask- it's a bit of a lost plot line that the writers are probably hoping we'll forget about...

LA

**Audrey: **OK, so the little girl is being kept in a perfectly safe place...

**Little girl: **AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

**Audrey: **Or not...

**Sylar: **It's waaay smarter to try to kidnap you instead of kill you right here...

**Audrey: **Freeze! You're under arrest!

**Sylar: **Wait! You can't catch me, I haven't even been cast yet!

**Matt: **Don't worry! Sylar doesn't stand a chance against a tubby mind reading cop and an FBI chick!

**Audrey: **I've got you cornered! Put your hands up, now!

**Sylar: **I'd rather you point the gun at yourself, even though I could easily rip your head off...

**Audrey: **EEK!

**Sylar: **Why are you shooting yourself?

**Matt: **Die, murderer!!!! _(fires gun)_

**Audrey: **I'm saved!

**Sylar: **I guess that's my exit cue...

On a plane from Tokyo

**Ando: **We figured after that intense Sylar chase, you could use some comic relief!

**Hiro: **This is so cool! We get to go stop a nuclear explosion! I think I might need a costume, though...

**Ando: **Dude, do you really think I wanna see you in tights?!?

**Hiro: **Ok, good point. We don't want to start any uprising of "Hando" Fans...

**Ando: **So does everything in that comic actually happen?

**Hiro: **Everything! Even this woman sleeping on your shoulder!

NYC

**Simone: **Peter, are you trying to sneak out of your shift early?!?

**Peter: **No, sorry, I'm quitting...

**Simone: **What?!? But having a hot nurse look after my dad was the only good part of him dying!

**Peter: **I'm sorry, but I'm...well, not ordinary. I'm extraordinary! And extraordinary people do extraordinary things!

**Simone: **What???

**Peter: **It's like...rivers belong where they can ramble, eagles belong where they can fly. I need to be where my spirit can run free! I've got to find my corner of the sky!

**Me: **Sorry, this is what happens when you write while listening to "Pippin"

**Peter: **I think I'm meant to be more than just a nurse. I should do something big- something explosive!

**Simone: **Well, I'll miss you.

**Peter: **Don't worry, they wouldn't get rid of your character _that_ fast!

Some random field in Odessa, Texas

**Claire: **It's fun setting rival school mascots on fire!

**Jackie: **Speaking of fire, let me tell you about my amazing rescue!

**Brody: **Hey, Claire. I'm really sweet and nice. Really. I've noticed you've been depressed.

**Claire: **How would you know that?

**Brody: **Well, you stopped drinking chocolate milk, you stopped drawing in your notebooks, and you stopped laughing at jokes...

**Claire: **Wow! You knowing all that isn't stalkerish at all. You're so sweet!

**Brody: **I even put fireworks in your mascot thing!

**Claire: **Are those even legal in Texas?

**Brody: **That doesn't matter. Now let's blow this joint!

**Girl: **I guess instead of warning Claire, I should just stand around looking depressed...

LA

**Matt: **Honey, I'm home!

**Janice: **And I care why?

**Matt: **I gotta tell you about my crazy adventurous day!

**Janice: **I don't care about your day! Our marriage sucks!

**Matt: **No it doesn't!

**Me: **Yeah, yeah, yeah...boring typical marital troubles. Let's just skip ahead a bit...

Odessa, Texas

**Claire: **I'm making out with a jock, and I'm loving it!

**Brody: **Nice, I am too!

**Claire: **Can we take a break and talk about my problems?

**Brody: **Sure, but can I rape you first?

**Claire: **What??? NO! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PIG!

**Brody: **C'mon, Claire! You know you want it!

**Claire: **Over my dead body! (_dies)_

**Brody: **Claire? Uh-oh...

Las Vegas

**Nikki: **You're being awfully quiet...

**Micah: **Dad is innocent! You should believe in him more!

**Nikki: **No, I shouldn't. Now if you know where he is- Oh no! It's the cops!

**Cop: **Hi! I'm one of those corrupt cops!You weren't speeding or anything, but a certain mob boss needs to speak with you about some money and thugs...

Nathan's Election dinner thing, NYC

**Peter: **Anyone notice how different I look without that stupid piece of hair in my eyes?

**Simone: **I noticed!

**Peter: **See, I told you that you wouldn't be off the show yet!

**Simone: **And I also noticed that suddenly you seem way more attractive and confident, unlike my looser drug-addict boyfriend...

**Peter: **Well, now that I'm not working for your father, I don't feel afraid to tell you that I'm madly in love with you!

**Nathan: **Sorry, lovebirds, I gotta interrupt your moment with my campaign speech!

**Nathan: **Ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad that my wonderful family is here. Unfortunately, my father is not, since he's dead. He was depressed, just like my little brother! But it's a much better idea to tell everyone about it than to let him suffer on his own...

**Peter: **What??? That's it, I'm leaving and voting for the other guy!!

Los Angeles Airport

**Hiro: **We need a Nissan Versa! I've heard it's a wonderful car!

**Ando: **It sure is!

**Me: **Ack! It's the evil product placement! Don't let it get you, Hiro!!!

**Ando: **Before we drive off in our _wonderful_ Nissan Versa, let me just take a peak at this stripper video I can conveniently carry on my Ipod with video!

**Hiro: **Wow, two great products in the same scene!

**Me: **They've both gone to the dark side! NOOOOO!!!

LA

**Matt: **As long as my wife hates me, I guess I can just hang out at bars and listen to people's thoughts...

**The Haitian: **Your mind reading won't work on me! I mean ...

**Matt: **I've only had one drink...why do I feel so..._(faints)_

NYC

**Mohinder: **Look in this apartment! It seems well decorated, but it's the home of a psycho!

**Cops: **Didn't we tell you not to worry about this? The whole "I have sinned thing" is nothing, we swear! Now forget it ever happened!

**Mohinder: **Huh?? Everything is gone! I'll bet he has super packing abilities!!

Elsewhere in NYC

**Peter: **You son of bitch! I'll kill you!

**Nathan: **Easy, Pete, that's our mother you're talking about!

**Me: **That line was just too good to cut out!

**Peter: **You lied to me, and now you're letting everyone think I'm crazy!

**Nathan: **And the whole story just screams, "Nathan Petrelli: Family Man!"

**Peter: **Screw you! You just might make me _actually_ depressed!

elsewhere in NYC

**Isaac: **Lalala, flipping through my old drawings while for some reason India's national song plays in the background...

**Me: **Yeah, what is up with that???

**Writers: **It's in a language no one understands, and it sounds cool and mysterious! Give us a break!

**Simone: **Hey, Peter, I know you're already soaking wet, but I'll share my umbrella with you!

**Peter: **Aww, this is really romantic! smooching time

**Isaac: **Hey, this drawing is of Simone kissing--Peter?!? What???

**Mohinder: **Time for my closing narration!! Oh, but I guess you're wondering what happened to Claire...

**Writers: **You knew we couldn't end it without a shocking ending!

Some hospital in Texas

**Morgue worker (I forgot the technical name, sorry!): **Oh, this poor girl looks really dead. I guess we can start with the autopsy...

**Mohinder: **As I was saying, evolution can be a real pain. Not that I would know, since the lame writers didn't give me any superpowers...

**Claire: **Huh? Where am I? HOLY SH-

_To be continued.._.


	4. Episode 4: Collision

**A/N: **Sorry this one took so long, guys! I've been really busy! But here it is, episode 4! This is one of my personal favorites, so I hope you all like it a lot! Keep R & R-ing!

also, there might be a slight delay for episode 5, but I'm going to try to get it up ASAP

**Episode 4: Collision  
**

**Narrator: **I'm back! Sorry, Mohinder, but I get to do the recap...

**Mohinder:** Fine, then. I'll have more time to prepare my thoughts on evolution...

**Narrator: **Previously, on Heroes...

**Isaac: **I can paint the future! But only when I'm high...

**Simone:** I can't deal with you and your insane ideas and crazy heroin addiction. I'm leaving you for that hot former nurse!

**Peter: **I can fly! But only when I'm around Nathan...

**Hiro: **I can stop time, and I have to save New York! But only with my buddy!

**Matt: **I can read minds, but it's really not as cool as you'd think...

**Claire: **I'm indestructible, but...I guess there's really no catch, is there?

**Narrator: **And now...

**Mohinder: **Questions are much more powerful than answers. Things like, "what's happening?" "Who am I?" "Where are we going?"

**Fans: **What? You've got to be kidding me! Answers are waaaaay more powerful than questions! People only come up with questions because they want a fricking answer!

**Mohinder: **_(sigh)_ Ok, fine. Answers are powerful, yet they wouldn't exist without questions...

**Fans: **Much better!

Unknown Location (but probably at that "paper" factory)

**Matt:** Where am I?

**Fans: **And where's his shirt? Rule #1 of television and movies is only hot guys get to be shirtless!

**HRG: **Sorry, we had to drug you and run a bunch of weird experiments.

**Matt: **Why?

**HRG: **Mostly to add another plotline and partly to make my character even more mysterious. But that doesn't matter, cuz I'm about to erase your memory anyway!

**Matt: **What???

**HRG: **Go deep, and clean him out!

**The Hatian: **...

**Matt: **Go deep? Ack! Where's my rape whistle???

**The Hatian: **...

**Matt: **AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Las Vegas

**Hiro: **I keep leaving Japanese messages on Isaac's phone. I'm not sure why I don't just have you call him and speak with him in English...

**Ando:** We'll worry about saving NYC later! I'd rather lose all our money gambling!

Elsewhere in the same hotel

**Linderman's secretary: **So, Nikki, Linderman will forgive your debt if you sleep with this politician.

**Nikki: **What? I may strip off my clothes for money, but I'm not a whore yet!

**Secretary: **Well, we've got a million rabid fangirls lined up for this job, so you better decide quickly...

Some morgue in Texas

**Claire**: Wow...I died and came back to life after being cut open...there's no way this is gonna end well...

**Claire: **Take a good look, male fans, it's the most you're ever gonna see...

**Male fans**: _(drool)_

**Claire: **How the heck can a former dead body sneak out of here un-noticed? Oh well, I guess I shouldn't worry about it now...

**Morgue worker: **OMG! The dead girl disappeared! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It's _Night of the Living Dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Claire: **phew! I made it all the way home with nothing but a lab coat on, and nobody noticed! I'm pretty damn stealthy!!!

Mid-town Manhattan (yup, we're getting even more specific)

**Nathan: **Well, I'm off to Vegas! Just make sure that nobody finds out I'm visiting a mob boss, ok?

**Mohinder: **WAIT!!! Mr. Petrelli! Listen to me! Someone's going to kill you!

**Nathan: **Why would they bother killing me _before_ getting elected?

**Mohinder: **Not the other party, an evil serial killer who kills people with superpowers!

**Nathan: **Superpowers? You're not by chance that crazy professor that Peter mentioned, are you?

**Mohinder: **Oh, sorry! I forgot to introduce myself: I'm Dr. Suresh. Now listen to me, or you're gonna die!

**Nathan: **Guards, get this loser outta my sight!

**Mohinder: **What? How could he not listen to my totally logical warnings???

Lower East Side Manhattan

**Peter: **That was one night I never got when I was still on Gilmore Girls!

**Simone: **It sure was nice, but I'm still not sure about Isaac...

**Nathan: **Sorry, I'm gonna have to interrupt you two again...

**Peter: **Do you just wait for me to have these moments before coming???

**Nathan: **What do you think you're doing, sending that crazy Indian guy to talk about superpowers with me???

**Peter: **What??? I didn't send him! But did you think it might help you get the minorities' vote?

**Nathan: **Listen, here's a million bucks. Go disappear for a bit and find all the answers you want!

**Peter: **Disappear? But I haven't even met Claude yet! Now get out of my apartment!

**Simone: **Listen, Peter, last night was wonderful, but I'm still unsure about Isaac.

**Peter:** Ok, fine, get everything with him figured out. I wouldn't want him to think I stole you or anything...

Odessa, Texas

**Mrs.Bennet: **I'm still oblivious to everything that's happening. Now who wants waffles?

**HRG: **Claire, don't you like waffles? I'll bet you stayed out all night with the quarterback, didn't you?!?

**Claire:** Well, yes. It's not like we did anything. We...played poker.

**HRG: **Strip poker?

**Claire: **I swear nothing happened! I'm alive, aren't I? Stop worrying.

**HRG: **Claire, I just want you to be honest. Lying is very wrong! Now, I have to go...sell paper...yeah, that's right...

Brooklyn, NY

**Mohinder: **I'm still not having any luck figuring out this stupid theory!

**Eden: **Well, put it away for a sec, and open this package.

**Mohinder: **It's my father's ashes...give me a moment to look at them and reflect...

**Mohinder: **You know, I haven't cried at all since his death...

**Eden: **Huh. Typical!

**Mohinder: **What???

**Eden: **Here he comes! Here comes John Wayne! I ain't gonna cry about my pa. I'm gonna build me an airport, and put my name on it. Why, Mohinder? So you can fly away from your feelings?

**Mohinder: **What the heck are you talking about?? Who the hell is John Wayne??? Is he the American equivalent of Amitabh Bachan?

**Eden: **Nevermind! AD fans will get it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

**Eden:** Just continue your rant about your father...

**Mohinder: **What the hell am I doing??? Why am I continuing this stupid research???

**Eden: **Oh no...here we go again!

**Mohinder: **All I'm doing is wasting my time proving a stupid theory just to try and fix a stupid relationship with my stupid father who hated me for no reason! That's it!!!! I'm giving up and going back to India!

**Eden: **You're giving up???

**Mohinder: **Well, I'm probably going to change my mind again sooner or later, but until something encourages me to do so-

**Peter: **Hello? I'm looking for Chandra Suresh. I think I might have some of those weird superpowers he was looking for...

**Mohinder: **Proof for my dad's theory??? Swee--Actually, I'm not going to be convinced so easily this time...

Las Vegas

**Ando: **Wooohooo!!! I love gambling! We're gonna own this place, Hiro!!

**Hiro: **What are you talking about??? You've lost everything except that one dollar!

**Ando: **Don't worry! I know that I'll win this time! _(sings)_ Luck be a lady tonight!!!

**Hiro: **Forget luck! Time-stopping is way more reliable!!!

**Ando: **Wooooooooooooohhhhoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! I won!!!!!

**Hiro: **No you didn't! I used my powers for selfish gain!!! I've gone to the dark side!!!!

**Ando: **Hiro, I'm pretty sure that there's no rule against stopping time! Let's use this!

**Hiro: **NO!

**Ando: **C'mon! Is Peter Parker cheating when he takes pictures of Spiderman?

**Hiro: **How is taking pictures of yourself and selling them for money anything like cheating a casino?? But Ok! I'll do it!!!

Elsewhere in Las Vegas

**Tina: **You're not seeing a weird reflection that does evil things, you're just getting old!

**Nikki: **If it were just that, I wouldn't randomly black out and then find dead guys in my garage.

**Tina: **See, now that's what we call Multiple Personality Disorder. Kinda like in that Jim Carrey movie!

**Nikki: **Which one? I tend to block all his movies from my memory...they're too painful...

**Micah: **Sorry to interrupt, but it's Scrabble time!

**Nikki: **Sorry, sweety, but you can play with Tina, she knows lots of words from those romance novels she reads!

**Tina: **Yeah, those are the only romance I'm getting these days!

**Micah: **Hmm, I wonder why??

**Tina: **Ok! Just for that, I'm gonna pwn you at scrabble! C'mon!

**Micah: **Mom, I'm ok with you stripping in our garage, but you doing it in front of an actual person is wrong on so many levels...

**Nikki:** Maybe it is to you, but not to the male viewers...

NYC

**Eden: **Well, this guy is either insane, or he can actually fly. Well, I got to go, have fun testing your dad's theory!

**Mohinder: **So...you can fly, but only with your brother, and you can paint the future, but only with the troubled artist?

**Peter: **Exactly! I have some sort of copying power. Kinda like Rogue from X-men! Not that we're similar enough to say I'm a rip-off, though.

**Mohinder: **You should really be talking to my father, since this is his totally lame research. Unfortunately he hasn't been reincarnated yet...

**Peter: **But you believed it this morning! And the first episode! And the third episode! Can't I make you change your mind again?

**Mohinder: **Only if you actually give me valid proof instead of another weird finding...

**Peter: **Well, my brother conveniently went off to Vegas when I need him, so I'll take you to the crazy painter!

Elsewhere in NYC

**Simone: **Isaac, I have to sell all of your prophetic paintings.

**Isaac: **NO! I need them to save the world! And why were you kissing Peter???

**Simone: **How do you know about that?

**Isaac: **I drew it 7 weeks ago!

**Simone: **If you drew it that long ago, why didn't you think it was odd at all to draw a picture of me kissing some guy you don't know??

**Isaac: **That doesn't matter now! All that matters is that we don't know how we feel about each other, and that New York is going to explode! And I'm going to stop it!!

**Fans: **How exactly can he stop it if all he can do is paint it?

Odessa

**Claire:** I was almost raped, then I died, then I was cut open, then I came back to life. But don't tell anybody, ok?

**Zach: **Are you crazy? You can't let that evil jock go around raping people!

**Claire: **I'm not going to tell anyone about it! When will you learn that this is a TV show, and I have to make idiotic choices for the sake of cool action scenes?

**Brody: **Claire??? Um...how nice to see you...alive. I gotta go!

Las Vegas

**Hiro: **It's a good idea to change that other guy's cards _after_ he's looked at them, isn't it?

**Ando: **Yeah, I see no problem with it!

elsewhere in the hotel

**Nikki: **Oh, I'm sorry! I just bumped into you and ruined my Celine Dion ticket!

**Nathan: **Celine Dion??? You must be pretty lonely and miserable!

**Nikki: **Yeah, I am. I wouldn't mind having a cute, already-married-with-children politician to snuggle with!

**Nathan: **Hm...That kinda goes against my whole, "Family Man" thing, but ok!

A subway in NYC

**Peter: **Before we go see Isaac, I should probably mention that he's a bit of a drug addict.

**Mohinder: **Really? So what drug are you addicted to, Peter? Cuz you definitely don't seem super yet!

**Peter: **So why did you believe in your dad's research before???

**Mohinder: **I had no choice! Sons are supposed to believe their father's work!

**Peter: **That's not true! What about...um...oh! That little dancing penguin from Happy Feet! He kept on dancing even though his dad wanted him to sing!

**Mohinder: **Well, I prefer to base all of my ideas off of evolution, not CGI penguins. Evolution says that each generation will only be a slightly varied version of the previous one.

**Peter: **So then how come I'm not half as annoying as my mom or Nathan?

**Mohinder: **I don't know, I guess you just happen to be this generation's dancing penguin...

elsewhere in NYC

**Isaac: **Ok, it's future painting time!  
_  
futur__**e**_

_**Claire: **_AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Help! I'm gonna die!!!!!

_**Isaac: **__Hmm...this could lead to some interesting catchphrases for this show..._  
_  
Present  
_  
**Peter:** Hello? Isaac? Are you there? I need to prove to this scientist that I can copy people's abilities!

**Isaac: **Sorry, to busy saving the world here!

**Mohinder: **Thanks for wasting my time, buddy! I knew my father was an idiot, just like you!

Oddessa

**Claire: **Hey, Lori, what's up?

**Lori: **So, I couldn't help but notice that you went off with Brody the other night. I'm also too cowardly to tell any authorities about it...

**Claire: **Hm...This looks like a job for Indestructible Cheerleader!!!

Las Vegas  
**  
Hiro: **Ando, we're not supposed to be wasting our time gambling! We've got to save the world!

**Ando: **And why can't we do it in style? James Bond does!

**Security guards: **Sorry, time-stoppers are not allowed in this hotel!

**Southern Gambler guy: **You somehow switched my cards! You'll pay for that!

**Ando: **No way! My friend will totally kick your-

**Hiro:** _(KO'ed)_

**Ando: **At times like this, I really wish I'd learned karate...then I remember it'd make me too stereotypically Asian…

Elsewhere in Vegas

**Nikki: **Isn't the view from this room amazing?

**Nathan: **Yeah, let's chat about it so I can make references to my super power!

**Nathan: **Don't you wish you could fly?

**Nikki: **Yeah, it sounds pretty cool.

**Nathan: **I'm surprised your husband let's you travel alone.

**Nikki: **Well, he's a convicted criminal, but he doesn't worry about me running into hot congressmen!

**Nathan: **Any kids?

**Nikki: **Yeah, one really annoying yet adorable child prodigy.

**Nathan: **I got two boys, but I don't think they're making an appearance anytime soon...

**Nikki: **Having a kid makes me sometimes wish I could be two people...like, a caring mother and a sexy web-stripper at the same time. You know the feeling?

**Nathan: **No, but I think I can imagine...

**Nikki: **So, Nathan, are you happy with your wife...

**Nathan: **Well, she's sorta paralyzed from the waist down, but yes.

**Nikki: **Well, I guess that means that we can't do any-

**Nathan: **I said she's paralyzed from the waist down. Did you not understand that? _(smooch)_

**Nikki: **No! Nathan, I can't do this! I'm sorry! I have to leave...

**Nathan: **Damn! C'mon, I haven't had any for 6 whole months!!!

**Thug: **You'd better sleep with that politician, or Linderman will have to kill you!

**Nikki: **I can't!

**Jessica: **But I can!!! But I have to beat you into submission first!

**Thug: **_(pwned!)_

**Jessica: **I'm baaack!

**Nathan: **Sweet!!!! So I guess this is where the show cuts to some other location?

**Jessica: **Nah, I gotta please the male viewers for a little first and start stripping...

**Linderman: **_(watching from the security camera) _Dude, this is way better than that weird Jim Carrey movie I rented last night!!!

A Subway in NYC

**Mohinder: **Look, I don't know what exactly is wrong with you, but I'm a geneticist, not a frickin psychiatrist, ok??? Now don't come to me with your crazy ideas any- _(freeze)_

**Peter: **Mohinder? Hello?? Damn you audience and your Tivos! Who hit the pause button?!_?  
_  
Elsewhere in NYC

**Isaac: **Ok! Time to take a look at my world-saving paintings. Hm...a cheerleader, Peter being attacked by flying lockers, and some Japanese guys in front of a blood soaked banner. How does this help at all?!?

Odessa

**Claire: **Yoohoo, Brody! Can I drive your car home??

**Brody: **Ok, I don't see why not...

in Brody's car

**Claire: **Wooooo!!! Let's burn rubber, baby!!

**Brody: **Whoa, Claire! Slow down! You're freaking me out!!

**Claire: **Well, you didn't listen when I told you that the other night, did you?!?

**Brody: **What are you talking about? You forced me, not the other way around!

**Claire: **Are you calling me a slut???

**Brody: **Duh, and there's nothing you can do about it!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!

**Claire: **Not true! (_super big car crash!!)_

Las Vegas (in Nathan's hotel room)

**HRG: **No, it's not odd that I'm staring at two people in bed!

**The Hatian: **...

**HRG: **Just take one, but don't let the fans find out which one I mean yet!

Time-stopped Subway in NYC

**Peter: **Ok, this is really really freaking me out now!

**Future Hiro: **Hello, Peter. I'm bad-ass, sword-wielding, leather clad, accent-less, futre Hiro Nakumara! You look different without your scar!

**Peter: **Scar??? What scar???

**Future Hiro: **Never mind, I mostly said it to get some fan speculation going. Anyway, I have a message for you...

**Peter: **Ok, so what is it?

**Future Hiro: **Well, I'm not going to tell you now. It'll be more suspenseful if we wait until next week's episode.

**Fans: **ACK!!!! Why can't we have time traveling abilities?!?!?!?

_to be continued..._


	5. Episode 5: Hiros

**A/N: **Hey, everybody! I'm really sorry that this episode took so long! I've been super duper busy, and had a bit of writer's block, and I wanted to make sure I didn't rush this. There might be an equal amount of waiting time between this and episode six. But FYI, if I get lot's of good reviews, I might be encouraged to write more...

Anyway, enjoy episode 5

**Episode Five: Hiros**

**Mohinder: **When change occurs, species sometimes decide to migrate...

**Peter: **How are you narrating?? I thought you were frozen!

**Mohinder: **I have the ability to narrate no matter where I am!

**Future Hiro: **Don't worry about him, I've got to tell you the important message that the fans have all waited a week to hear! Now, I don't have much time, but I'm going to stall for a bit anyway...

**Peter: **So... where'd you park your Delorien?

**Future Hiro: **I don't need any weird 80's cars or flux capacitors! So here's my message; Save the girl. You have to save her to prevent it!

**Peter: **To prevent what?

**Future Hiro: **Why would I tell you that now?

**Peter: **It could be useful so that Mohinder and Nathan don't think I'm crazy.

**Future Hiro: **Oh, don't worry about them! Just listen to my really abstract message: _Save the Cheerleader, Save the World!_ Get used to hearing it, fans!

**Fans: **We waited a whole week to hear that?!? C'mon!

**Peter: **But can't you at least tell me which cheerleader and when and where???

**Future Hiro: **No, we've got to let Isaac do _something_ useful. Also, don't forget to tell me about the message when I call later.

**Peter: **Can't you just do that yourself?

**Future Hiro: **No, you have to be the one we need! In the future, you tell me all about how your life sucks- make yourself useful now! Besides, if I told my past self on my own, it'd probably cause a rift!

**Peter: **And telling me all about how I'm depressed in the future won't?

**Future Hiro: **You obviously haven't watched enough Star Trek to understand time travel! But I'd better go back to my own time now... _(time un-stopped!)  
_  
**Peter: **WAIT!!! Your cryptic instructions make no sense!!! Come back, Hiro!

**Subway passenger: **Funny how we don't find that long haired freak's screaming strange at all...

**Mohinder: **Wow, you just bring crazy to a whole new level, don't you?

a hospital in Odessa, Texas

**Claire: **I don't need to go to the ER! Just let me go home!

**Doctor: **You were driving, and yet you don't seem badly injured at all! Whatever, makes my job easier!

**Brody: **You came out of that accident with hardly any injury? You freak!

**Claire: **Why the hell are you still conscious?!?

Las Vegas

**Nathan: **If you guys wanted to kidnap me, couldn't you have at least let me put my shirt on?

**HRG: **It's not me, this is just to make it up to the fangirls who had to see shirtless Matt in the last episode!

**Nathan: **Listen, guys, I have money! I'll give you a million dollars if you don't kidnap me!

**HRG: **Money won't help you this time, Petrelli! Now all we're going to do is drug and test you!

**Nathan: **Not if I use my really useful escape power! _(flies away)_

**Fans: **OMGWTF how did his powers work if the Hatian was there?!?!? PLOT HOLE!!!!!

**HRG: **Whoa...he just broke the sound barrier! Shouldn't there have been a sonic boom?

**The Hatian: **Apparently the writers didn't pass biology or physics. Whoops! _(erases HRG's mind!)_

**Random citizen: **Look! It's a bird!

**Other citizen: **It's a plane!

**Other other citizen: **It's...a half-naked politician?

Nathan's hotel room, Las Vegas

**Nikki: **Oh great, I'm in some place where I don't know where I am again...

**Body guard: **Where's Mr.Petrelli???

**Nikki: **Who?

**Body guard: **Oh, come on! At least I remember all the names of the guys I sleep with!

**Secretary: **Don't worry about him, the hotel security will find him!

**Nikki: **What's going on??? I didn't sleep with anyone!

**Secretary: **I reviewed the tape. It was the best thing I've seen on TV in a while!

A subway on NYC

**Peter: **I'm telling you! A super bad-ass totally awesome Japanese guy with a sword told me about the future!

**Mohinder: **Someone's been watching too much anime...

**Peter: **And then he told me that we have to go save a cheerleader!

**Mohinder: **Save a cheerleader? Are they making another _Bring it On_ movie?

**Peter: **Listen, if this is all fake, I'll personally drive you to the airport so you can go back to India!

**Mohinder: **Why don't you fly me there yourself?

**Fans: **Yo, would you like an ice pack? Cuz you just got burned!

**Peter: **Wow, I just totally got served. And by a nerdy geneticist, too!

LA, California

**Janice: **Where the heck is my husband?!?!?

**Matt: **Ugh...this is like, the worst hangover ever...

**Janice: **Where have you been?!?! You've been missing for a day! And why did the chief tell me you're with the FBI?

**Matt: **Well, I was going to tell you, but if I remember correctly, you were mad at me for no reason, and...

**Janice: **Oh, blame everything on me! Do you have any clue how worried I was?

**Matt: **I didn't think you cared about me...

**Janice: **_**(thinking)**_ _of course I do! Does the fact that I ignore and yell at you make it seem otherwise?_

**Matt: **Sweet! I can use this power to find out exactly what my wife wants! I can be just like Mel Gibson- but without all the anti-Semitism!

Outside Las Vegas, Nevada

**Hiro: **It sure was nice of those mobsters to throw us right near this diner!

**Ando: **You and I are no longer talking!

**Hiro: **Great, I bet they have waffles!

**Ando: **Let me repeat that: you and I are no longer talking! Well, except that. And that...

**Hiro: **Well, this is all because we were using my powers for personal gain! See, now you and I won't become the next Darth Vader.

**Ando: **Shut up! This is all your fault! I got beaten up, and now my jaw is clicking! I'm in a foreign country, and my jaw is clicking, and I'm stuck with you! That's it! I'm leaving.

**Hiro: **Fine! I don't need a translator! I'm sure plenty of Americans know Japanese! I mean, considering all the trade they do with us, there should be a million of them!

**Ando: **Fine! I'm leaving! Don't expect any help to fly in!

**Hiro: **Hey, what's that in the sky?!? OMG! It's a flying congressman! _(is amazed)_

**Nathan: **Can someone please give me a shirt? I think the fan girls have already drooled enough!

**Waitress: **So does the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" rule not apply if the guy is buying a shirt??

**Hiro: **OMG! Flying men are sooo awesome!!!

**Nathan: **OK, my shirt's back on! Quit staring!

**Hiro: **But I have to act amazed everytime I see you! And make cool sound effects!

**Nathan: **Cool sound effects?

**Hiro: **NYC is going to go KABOOM!!!

**Nathan: **Not so loud!

**Hiro: **kaboom!

**Nathan: **Hey, this would make a good running joke!

**Hiro: **Can you give me a ride-o?

**Nathan: **Well, it's usually against my policy to be nice to anyone, but you're just too cute! Ok!

LA

**Matt: **My annoying power is finally being beneficial! I'll bet every husband wishes they were me!

**Janice: **Why aren't you at work?

**Matt: **I'm going to prove to you that I'm not stupid and lazy! Now let's both skip work!

**Janice: **Ok!

Hospital in Odessa

**HRG: **So you're mother told me you lost control of the car, and sped 90mph into a wall.

**Claire: **Well, at the moment I trust you more than my ditzy mother, so I'm gonna tell you what really happened...

**HRG: **Good. Of course you can trust me!

**Claire: **Well, I tried to kill Brody to stop him from raping innocent girls. But don't tell anyone, ok?

**HRG: **Don't worry, nobody will _remember_ anything.

Isaac's Apartment, Manhattan, NYC

**Isaac: **Great, now I'm depressed, drugless, and girlfriendless...

**Peter: **Isaac! You have to help me find answers!

**Isaac: **Haven't you learned by now that all the "answers" on this show are just more questions? I can't help you!

**Peter: **Yes you can! You've conveniently painted the cheerleader I'm suppossed to save!!!

Las Vegas

**Hiro: **Thanks for the ride! Now I can drive away in my splendid Nissan! Oh wait...I don't know how to drive American cars...maybe we should've rented a Toyota...

**NBC Execs: **Hey! No mentioning things that don't give us money!

elsewhere...

**Nathan: **You! What the heck did you do to me?!?

**Nikki: **Well, basically, I was blackmailed into sleeping with you...

**Nathan: **What?!? You slept with me only because of _blackmail?!_? How could anyone not want to sleep with me?!?

LA

**Matt: **Guess what? I got that wine you like, that salad you like, your favorite song, and everything you could possibly imagine in a perfect dinner!

**Janice: **Wow! I don't know what to say!

**Matt: **How about "you're the greatest husband ever?"

**Janice: **Um...I was thinking more like, "are you having an affair?" Not that I would have any idea of how someone having one acts...

**Matt: **WHAT??? Jeez, even _with_ mindreading powers, women's minds make no sense!

**Janice: **Ok, whatever. Let's forget the dinner and go make TV-14 allowed love!

**Matt: **Whoa, how did I not hear that one?!? I mean, ok!

Odessa, Texas

**HRG: **Hello, Brody. Ignore the creepy music, I'm not going to hurt you...

**Brody: **Ack! You're that freak's father! I'm gonna sue you, since I've got so much evidence against Claire to use!

**HRG: **You're twice the freak my daughter is! Now, I should kill you and let the fans know how hell bent I am on protecting Claire. However, the writer's have decided to save all the totally bad-ass stuff for later in the season. So, let's say we conveniently forget the whole thing.

**Brody: **What?!?

**HRG: **And for my next trick, I can make a scary mute black guy appear from behind this curtain!

**The Hatian: **...

**Brody: **Aaahh! Where's my rape whistle?!?

NYC

**Peter: **Look! All these paintings of yours conveniently line up to form some kind of super large comic! So what happens next?

**Isaac: **How should I know? I was high!

**Peter: **But, you painted all of these! You have to know something!

**Isaac: **I don't, I was high!

**Peter: **Hey, I bet that this is the cheerleader I have to save! Your character actually does serve a purpose on this show!

**Isaac: **Whatever, I was high!

**Peter: **That's just your excuse for everything, isn't it?!?

**Isaac: **What'd you say? I was thinking too much about being high!

**Peter: **Oh, forget it! Maybe if I stare at this half finished canvas long enough, I'll somehow figure it out...hey! It worked!

**Isaac: **What??? But you're not high! And you can't paint!

**Peter: **Apparently, I can absorb both your artistic talent and your superpower. Cuz we all know that artistic talent is part of your DNA...

**Isaac: **Whoa! Do I look like some sort of rabid squirrel when I'm painting too? Or is it just a combo of the glazed-white eyes and the emo haircut that do it for you?

**Peter: **Hey, guess what? Now that I have your ability, and I can do it when I'm sober, your character is totally pointless again!

A hospital in Odessa

**Claire: **Brody, I came to apologize for what I did. My Dad didn't raise me to hurt people who do wrong things...

**Brody: **Who are you and why are you talking to me?

**Claire: **Brody, it's me! You know, the indestructible cheerleader you tried to rape?

**Brody: **Hmm...not ringing any bells...and who is this "Brody" you speak of?

**Claire: **_(is freaked out)_

Nikki's home, Las Vegas

**Nikki: **Wow...that was one trip to Vegas I really hope I do forget...

**Cops: **Don't worry, we're the good cops! We just wanna make sure you haven't had any contact with your criminal husband!

**Micah: **Haven't you people figured out yet that minorities in this show are NOT the bad guys??? My dad is innocent!

**Nikki: **No he's not! He's evil, keep him out of my house!

**Cops: **Hey, the music speeded up! That means something intense is about to happen!

**Ando: **Konichiwa, my lovely internet stripper! I bet you didn't expect the comic relief here!

Elsewhere

**Nathan: **This hotel seriously has the worst security ever!

**Secretary: **Well, just keep it in mind when Mr. Linderman comes calling. We're trying to set him up to be really evil and mysterious...

**Nathan: **Dammit, I should have just stayed at the Mirage! Or maybe Excalibur, since it's got all those cool knights and wizards...

**Secretary: **Don't worry, in exchange for the whole threatening tape thing, we'll let you stay for free.

**Nathan: **I've got a better idea: It's called, "I throw around tons of money and the problem goes away..."

Los Angeles

**Matt: **Sweet! That was the best dinner, ever!

**Janice: **Oh, you know what'd I'd love right now?

**Matt: **Coffee ice cream! So that's what you always crave right after! I'll go get some!

in the store...

**Matt: **Wow, this super power really is wonderful! Well, except for all this annoying white noise from all the thoughts I'm hearing...

**Thief: **Hm...I'm somewhat hesitant about robbing this store...

**Matt: **And now I can use my power to save a troubled youth! Put down the gun, kid! Don't throw your life away! You have the opportunity to become a loser cop like me!

**Theif: **Ok, fine. I'll just leave my gun on this shelf, then.

**Matt: **Cool! I'll just take this with me!! Hey, why is everyone thinking about freaking out? Hard drive overload!!!! _(faints)_

Las Vegas

**Nikki: **Listen, buddy, it's been great stripping for you online, but I don't do it in person...you want my weird alter-ego for that!

**Ando: **I thought that since you're so good about stripping for me online, I could depend on you in case I got stranded in America...

**Nikki: **I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way!

**Cops: **Should we arrest him?

**Nikki: **Nah, I can't arrest my best costumer! Besides, nothing bad happens to minorities in this show!

**Ando: **I get this feeling that you may have lost me anyway! Well, sayonara...

**Cops: **We're gonna leave too, we can't be around when you're reunited with your husband!

**DL: **I'm already here! But in order to add suspense, I won't actually do anything 'till next week!

Elsewhere in Las Vegas...

**Hiro: **Nissan Versa's are great, but they suck without someone who can drive them...

**Ando: **It's time for us to be reunited!!!!

**Hiro: **I thought we don't like each other anymore...

**Ando: **How can anyone not like you? Besides, I learned that best friends are much more helpful than internet strippers. It's a lesson the whole of America should learn...

**Hiro:** Awww, BIG HUG!!!!

Isaac's apartment, NYC

**Peter:** Wow, I should just give up being a hero and become a professional artist!

**Isaac: **This girl you somehow painted! We have to save her!

**Peter: **Oh, and what are you gonna do? Use your oh-so-powerful painting?

**Isaac: **Stop making my character seem pointless! At least that weird japanese guy who keeps calling me likes me! He's calling again right now!

**Peter: **Weird Japanese guy?!? OMG!!!! Give me the phone!!

**Hiro: **(_on phone)_Hello! I'm cute, chubby, nerdy, Nissan riding Hiro Nakamura!

**Peter: **I'm Peter! I have a message for you!

**Hiro: **Ok, so what is it?

**Peter: **Sorry, I have to get my revenge and make you and the fans wait a week to hear it...

**Ando:** But, haven't the fans already heard it? You may as well tell us now!

**Peter: **We have to end it dramatically somehow!

_to be continued_


End file.
